I want to attempt to try this whole, “blogging” thing again.
Let me start by saying I am a college-drop-out. It’s not like I am sitting home not doing nothing. That is not the case at all. I am soon to be promoted at my retail job. Woo! The weird thing is, I never imagined I would work in retail. Or drop out of school to be frank.
Now that I have ripped that band-aid off, I want to speak about a book my boyfriend gave me for our anniversary. It is titled, How Did I Get Here? Hit a nerve for you too? Yeah, well same here.
I haven’t read too much of the book yet. But what I have read so far has seriously just explained my way-too-early-mid-life crisis. For like the gazillionth time. The author speaks about the road not taken. Of which, I have literally been wracking my brain trying to analyze for oh I don’t know, the last five or six years.
My entire high school career it was drilled into my brain that I needed to go to college. Because a piece of paper on my wall is the only way I will have a happy and successful life. I was also highly encouraged to do better than my father- who did not even get a high school diploma.
So I told myself I needed to go to school and while I was in school I would soon become the new-age Emily Dickinson and meet Maya Angelou, my biggest writing inspiration. Well, college is expensive and I got distracted way too easily, and Maya Angelou passed a few years back. I suppose you can take from there how my plan was completely deteriorated.
Anyway, going back to the road not taken. This book ALREADY hit a nerve with me. This fifty year old man went through life with the same notions I went into college with. It’s not that he regretted his life-decisions, its just that he was constantly consumed with the what-ifs.
That is the current state of my life right now. What-if Donald Trump becomes President? What if I never finish my degree? What if I never highly surpass the mistakes of my father? What if I stay in retail the rest of my life, and when I decide to settle down, I have no concrete safety net? What if I never get published? What if I do and no one cares?
If these questions are making your skin boil too, trust me, I feel your pain. I guess I just have to wait and see what the universe has planned for me.